Preface: This was a most difficult writing to admit to myself ... truth ... that the woman I loved so very deeply was at times intimate with other men while seeing me. It hurt a lot but I knew I had to accept this difficult fact if I wanted to be with her ... and I did. It was who she was and deeply ingrained as part of her nature. I think it was the first time the word "acceptance" had a meaning for me.
A woman who loves them all ... is this good or is this bad? And yet she loves no one ... is she happy or is she sad?
Only she knows the answer to this ... for who are we to judge this day. Only she knows the answer to this as she gives each kiss away.
But I wonder sometimes exactly what she would have to say.
"Well of course I love them all silly boy ... of course I do and why not? They are all so precious to me you know. Why should I spoil the plot?"
"Let them play with me, and give me things. Let them do whatever they will. I will let each of them know when I've had my fill."
"You see I always give just enough of myself, so they come running back. Some more, some less ... it all depends. But never enough ... I always leave something lack.”
"For all the love I have to give is for more than just one man.
Or is it their love I need so much?
I don't know right now ... and right now I really don't give a damn."
"I never force them to like me. I never really lead them on. It's their choice they make to love me ... If they don't like how I am ... well then let them be gone."
And so many men have come and gone ... It's really quite a shame. For now, she has nothing left to give to them ... Except perhaps a touch of happiness … a bit of love … filled with a deep void and all of love's pains.
by Ron Kaufman Age 27
February 1974 Chicago
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